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Dating and Marrying Nonmembers

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In isolated instances a lovely young woman might be so far removed geographically from other Church members that she would either have to marry out of the Church or stay unmarried. Some might feel justifiedyin such circumstances in making an exception to the rule and marrying a nonmember but, justification or not, it is important to recognize that the hazards in such a marriage would remain. To minimize the dangers the girl should by all means make sure that she marries a man who is honorable and good, so that even if he cannot at present be brought to accept the gospel there is a fair chance of his being converted later. (The Miracle of Forgiveness, p.242)

We love those few [non-members] who join the Church after marriage [to a member]. We praise them and honor them, but the odds are against us. ...Only about one out of seven nonmember spouses [is] converted and baptized into the Church. This grieves us very much. The total program of the Lord for the family cannot be enjoyed fully if the people are unequally yoked in marriage. (President Spencer W. Kimball, "Marriage and Divorce", Brigham Young University Devotional, September 7, 1976, pp. 9-10.)

by President Hugh B. Brown

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. 2 Cor. 6:14

Some of our young people, and others, have wondered if the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is peculiar or unique in its insistence that its members should marry within the Church. It may be interesting to some to know that leaders of other churches have, down through the ages, counseled their members to marry within their own faith.

Catholic, Protestant, and Jewish leaders in all nations agree that inter-faith marriages frequently end in separation or divorce. Several national studies have been made on this important question, and they show that the chances of divorce and separation are two and one-half times greater in inter-faith marriages than where the partners are of the same faith. These studies further show that even where such marriages do not break up in divorce or separation, the difference in religious opinions and convictions is at the root of much unhappiness.

If either one or both parties to such marriages are sincere in their religious convictions, there is sure to come a time, especially after children come into the home, when one or the other must yield, unless both are willing to give up religious practices altogether. If they choose the latter alter, native, it means their children will be brought up without any kind of church attachment.

Reliable statistics show that where both parents were Catholic, ninety-two percent of their sons remain Catholic. Where both parents were Protestant, sixty-eight percent of their sons were practicing Protestants, but where one parent was Catholic and the other Protestant, only thirty, four percent of the children were practicing members of either faith. There are so many adjustments to be made in the average marriage, that it is unwise to start out with fundamental differences; and differences in religion are fundamental.

Young people, during their courtship, may feel that their emotional harmony will make their differing faiths unimportant, but this does not prove to be true in actual experience. It is not difficult to maintain friendships across the barriers of religion, but successful marriage calls for mental, emotional, and spiritual unity, without which complete and satisfactory union between husband and wife is unattainable. Where spiritual unity pervades all phases of married life, other differences become insignificant. But antagonistic church allegiance is like a flaw in a building which extends from the foundation to the roof.

Divisive disputes caused by religious differences, generally result in conflicts in a wider area than that of specific religious belief and observance. Even if for the sake of harmony, the parties agree to become inactive in any church, still the carry-over of their early religious training, the cultural patterns and personal values, will aggravate and complicate the problems of day-to-day living.

In Orthodox Judaism there is detailed regulation in daily living. Catholicism requires submission to the authority of the church, while Protestantism generally stresses individual freedom. Most young people raised in any one of these religious groups are deeply affected by their early training, and if they marry into different faiths and undertake to raise a family, their fundamental problems are vastly increased.

In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, there are many additional, fundamental reasons for marrying with, in the Church. Its members believe that the gospel of Jesus Christ has been restored, that they have a divine commission to live its principles and teach its doctrines and way of life, therefore, they cannot compromise without being untrue to themselves and to their children. Adherence to its principles and doctrines is incumbent by divine revelation upon all its members, and they who accept such revelation are anxious that their children shall be taught its principles and live according to its standards. Some of the teachings of the Church are, by other people, looked upon as unusual and extreme. A young man or woman may, for a time, tolerate in his mate practices and indulgences which are forbidden, but the Latter-day Saint boy or girl who marries out of the Church must expect the question to arise and become more vital as children come into the home. No true Latter-day Saint would wish to have his children leave the Church, sacrifice its blessings or be raised in another faith. By the same token, the other spouse generally would not wish to have the children raised in our Church, and here they join issue; here there is a conflict of loyalties and a parting of the ways. Again we say, religion, if sincere, is fundamental, and wisdom would suggest in the interest of peace and happiness that not only Latter-day Saints, but men and women of other faiths, should marry members of their own church.